Grief Is Not Linear - Why It Comes In Waves
Grief is the natural human response to loss. As something we all experience, it is important to understand how the grief process works and when to seek help.
In general, grief is a normal reaction to any type of loss, including (but not limited to):
The ending of a relationship.
The death of a friend, loved one, or pet.
A job change or loss.
The aging process.
Major life events or transitions (this includes expected and unexpected transitions as well as life changes that are welcomed and unwelcomed).
Essentially any life experience that comes with an ending or transition of some type can bring on feelings of loss and begin the grief process. Because grief is unique to each individual, there is no singular “right” way to navigate it. Most importantly, it is essential to understand that the grief process requires tending to and time in order for the loss or transition to be fully integrated and processed. Grief comes in waves and it is natural to experience highs and lows of emotion. While painful, the process itself can be understood as the body and mind’s natural way of navigating loss and avoiding future psychological, physical disease.
Key Signs of Grief
There can be a wide range of emotional, mental and physical symptoms related to grief. While the symptoms can change depending upon the situation, some common signs of grief include:
Feeling distant or removed from daily tasks and life itself.
Feeling “numb” or just going through the motions instead of feeling emotions.
Changes in appetite (eating more or less than usual), sleep (sleeping more or less than usual) and overall self-care.
Feelings of immense sadness over the life event.
Increased pessimism or existential crisis.
Increased body aches, stomach/digestive issues, accidents or clumsiness.
Increased avoidant behavior such as alcohol/substance use, gambling, shopping, etc..
Uncontrollable emotions such as crying, sadness, anger, or confusion.
Difficulty with concentration, focus, memory or any other cognitive symptoms.
Different Types of Grief
By understanding what you’re going through, you can get yourself on the best path forward with the tools and resources that work best for you.
Types of Grief:
Abrupt grief: This type of grief comes from any sudden or unexpected loss that brings a sense of shock. The most common losses in this category include the sudden, unexpected loss of a relationship, death of a loved one or job loss.
Anticipatory grief: In some cases, the grieving process begins long before the actual loss has occurred. For instance, during a loved one’s terminal illness, during proceedings of a divorce, or months before your child goes off to college. Anticipatory grief is a natural response to knowing that a loss or major transition is coming.
Prolonged grief: This refers to the long-term experience of grief symptoms (months or years). Prolonged grief can sometimes interfere with day to day functioning and may be diagnosed as “Prolonged Grief Disorder” if the symptoms cause significant impairment.
Delayed grief: Sometimes, you don't start to feel the impact of grief until weeks, months, or even years later. It isn't always immediately after. For some people, the experience of the loss puts them in autopilot mode and they can only work through the bare minimum of what needs to be done. This can delay the grieving process and the feeling that it hits all at once.
Collective grief: Loss that is collective can have an impact on entire communities, and even the world. It is common to experience collective grief after hearing of tragedies such as war, hate crimes, mass shootings, or human rights violations.
Ecological grief: Our awareness of environmental changes and climate concern is growing. As ecosystems continue to decay and a depletion of natural resources becomes more evident, it is natural to experience deep sensations of loss. Ecological grief also includes the experience of “solastalgia” - a yearning for better times when the state of the natural world and the environment we live in was more healthy and abundant.
Grief Comes In Waves
Just like any natural healing process, grief is not linear or static, but rather dynamic, alive and ever changing. You can go days, weeks, or even months without feeling the waves of grief, and then all of a sudden, the emotional tides rise and you’re hit with a swell of emotion.
This is natural. It is how the human body, mind and psyche work to integrate loss into our experience of living. A true paradox! Living a human life is full of loss and the goal when engaged in the process of grief is to learn healthy coping skills so that we can ride each wave and gain deeper ability to feel and love.
Just like the ebb and flow of ocean tides, it is important to keep in mind that your emotional, physical system is engaged in a necessary healing process. You can and will get through it. Grief counseling can help you learn the tools needed to engage the process of grief in a way that eases the pain and lessons the burden. When you are feeling ready, please feel free to reach out to learn more.