Understanding Midlife Crisis
A full human life is full of developmental changes and transitions. While each developmental stage in our lives comes with its own particular challenges to work through, a common experience for middle-aged individuals is the “mid-life crisis”.
Before we dive into what causes a midlife crisis and how to cope, it is important to understand what a midlife crisis actually is - and why it can feel like such a challenge.
In psychology, we use the term “crisis” to speak to any period of time that involves the experience of emotional turmoil, or disruption to an individual’s emotional equilibrium. Such disruptions tend to come into our lives either through change that has happened to us, or the strong desire for a change.
With this in mind, a midlife crisis is a psychological phenomenon that occurs in middle-aged individuals (typically 40-60 years old). It involves a transition of self-identity and while the experience and symptoms can be disorienting, it is not always considered a bad thing.
Symptoms Associated with Midlife Crisis
There are various emotional, physical and mental symptoms or experiences that come with a midlife crisis. It’s important to be able to recognize those in yourself or in those closest to you to be able to navigate this transitional time. Some general emotional symptoms may include:
Feeling depressed or a declining happiness.
Feeling like you’ve lost something or feel lost going through life events.
Boredom with your current situations, including relationships, career, home, or friendships.
Being more aware and unhappy with physical appearance.
Loss of confidence or self-doubt.
Frustration with responsibilities or new life events.
Existential questioning.
Increased anger, frustration, irritability or sadness.
Less motivated to achieve goals or participate in activities you normally enjoy.
Mental and Physical Changes Associated with a MidllLife Crisis
As with any experience of loss or change, a midlife crisis is associated with various mental and physical symptoms. These can include:
Changes in eating habits leading to significant weight gain or loss.
Changes in sleep patterns (i.e., sleeping more or insomnia).
Changes in relationships–with relatives, friends, or partners.
Loss of memory.
Loss of income or feeling financially insecure.
Increased body aches, digestive issues, back pain and overall declining health.
Stages of a Midlife Crisis
There are three main stages involved in a mid-life crisis and each may involve any of the symptoms listed above.
Initial Trigger:
In some situations, there is one event that triggers a midlife crisis. These events might include:
Loss of a job or relationship.
Newly diagnosed health issues - or decline in health.
A “big” birthday.
Becoming an empty nester.
Birth of a grandchild.
Changes to appearance such as weight gain, wrinkles, gray hair.
These triggers can put the focus on the aging process and questions about what the upcoming years of your life will look like. Such events can stir feelings (either consciously or unconsciously) about death and dying, and this can be stressful and difficult to manage.
Crisis Period
During this time, it is common to experience confusion, insecurity and a sensation of being lost. The crisis stage can include an increased state of self-reflection and acting out. For example:
Questioning previous life events or values.
Wondering about the meaning of your life and what matters most.
Questioning cultural constructs and decisions you’ve made.
Reflecting on how you really want to spend the rest of your life - opposed to how you feel you “should”.
Feelings of self-doubt.
Uninterested in relationships or things that previously brought you joy.
Experimenting with new identities or ways of being.
Resolution Stage
Resolution occurs when you begin to feel emotional stability and a newly found sense of self again. You’ll start to:
Find comfort in who you are.
Accept your age and your aging process.
Engage more fully in your day to day life.
Feel more connected to self and other.
Begin to enjoy the stage of life you’re in.
Once you have hit this stage, you have resolved the crisis and are not considered to be in a midlife crisis anymore. Those in your circle will start to notice as well.
How to cope when you are going through a midlife crisis
It’s important to understand that a midlife crisis is not always a bad thing. It can actually lead you to a deeper connection to yourself and others and you can (and will) get through it. Here are some tips and strategies to get through:
Allow yourself to slow down and engage in deep reflection.
Acknowledge your feelings and explore how your symptoms might be offering information on what needs to change.
Give yourself permission to appreciate your life milestones and how far you’ve come.
Be willing to seek professional help or talk about how you are feeling with friends and family.
Focus on self-care for body and mind.
Get plenty of healthy nutrients and drink enough water every day.
Be patient and kind with yourself.
How to cope when a friend or loved one is going through a midlife crisis
It is important to understand that the changes involved in middle-age are real and that it can be disorienting to feel a loss of identity. There are several ways to offer support to your loved one who might be going through this phase of life. Here are some simple ways to offer support to a friend or loved one going through a midlife crisis.
Avoid saying things like “You’re just going through a midlife crisis”.
Avoid making jokes or judging them about the experience.
Explore your own feelings and insecurities that may be surfacing around the notion of change - especially if your loved one is changing who they’ve always been.
Be an active listener and, most importantly, avoid judging them for what they say and do.
Keep an eye out for symptoms of depression, anxiety, or other mental health issues.
Explain the importance of professional health or talking to a therapist.
Whether you or someone you know is experiencing a midlife crisis, it’s important to know that this is a natural phenomenon and you can and will get through it. Please reach out to me for more information about life transition therapy and support.